It almost pains me to post this. What sort of person must I be to take delight in a young lad's public humiliation? Still, it can't hurt.
On last week's trip to BC and Washington we stopped off at a rain-soaked Revelstoke and were delighted to find that the town was holding a logging competition. But better was yet to come, for there was also a pie-eating competition, apple and cherry I believe.
The call went out from the tannoy inviting contestants to step up to the plate; the plate being a small trestle table underneath a temporary gazebo. Eight contestants arranged themselves around the table, each in front of an 8" pie. On your marks, get set....Go!
In fact his lead was so great that it looked unassailable, he was chomping it down. Then disaster struck. He began to gag. His eyes began to water. He then gagged again, and again, eyes streaming and body hunching, until effortlessly, and quite spectacularly, he regurgitated half a pie into his cupped hands.
Sympathetic eyes from the dismayed crowd around the table.....their favourite had fallen, he had been so keen, so eager to win and so full of youthful-exuberism that he had over-stretched himself. But those sympathetic eyes soon turned away in horror as, ashamed but unbowed by the unfortunate turn of events, he proceeded to eat his own vomit out of his cupped hands. He wasn't beaten God damn it, he could still win! True Corinthian spirit right here in Revelstoke.
Bugger. He lost. A tortoise had clinched it.
Twenty minutes later a second call went up on the tannoy: "Any contestants for the next heat of the pie-eating contest?".
No one came forward save for a small lad only about twice the size of the pie himself. He battled gamely against only the clock and the gargantuan pie but it was of no use; the pie-eating contest had descended into farce.